Here are 10 statements that experts agree are used often by parents and are most harmful
- Why can’t you be more like? - Every child is unique and an individual.
- Why don’t you act your age? - Many times when we insist a child act there age, they are.
- Must you always look such a slob? - Criticism only lays the groundwork for an unproductive power struggle. The key is to strike a balance.
- You’re the funny one /athletic one /pretty one… - Labels we give children can be problematic, confirming and when negative are also demeaning. A negative label can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
- How could you be so stupid? – ‘Stupid’ is a loaded word that can be especially damaging to a child’s self-esteem and confidence. Compounding a belief they are not unconditionally loved.
- Sometimes I wish I’d never had kids. – A child hears “You’re worthless; I wish you weren’t my kid. I don’t want you”. Terrible hurtful messages a child carries around, often unconsciously into adulthood.
- Leave me alone! – An angry dismissal of a child can make them feel unloved and unwanted.
- Shut up! – Apart from being impolite, degrading, controlling and demeaning, children learn by example.
- Do it – or else! – A child may not be continually motivated by something so vague and unspecific.
- If you don’t come with me now, I’ll leave without you. - Threat of abandonment as a discipline tool, is a destructive approach to take and pretty scary for a child. It reinforces a fear that young children already have – that a parent might disappear and never come back.
It’s never too late to learn - never too late to change - we all make mistakes -we need to learn from them - forgive our selves - and move on.
