The 10 worst things to say to your children:
SleepTalk™
Here are a few of the most frequently asked questions about the Goulding SleepTalk™ process. We would love you to purchase your own copy of SleepTalk™ for Children, or contact us to discover the answers to other questions that may arise as you visit our site.
I’ve bought the book so why contact a SleepTalk™ consultant?
Great that you have bought the book, however a private consultation with a SleepTalk™ consultant will assist with the continued application of the process. It’s important to realise that following the specific directions and consistency in facilitating the process is very important. The assistance of a consultant helps the family with the ongoing development and selection of the primary areas of need, developing specific statements and the continued commitment to the process each evening – even when holidays or life gets in the way!
Does it matter if only one parent does SleepTalk™?
The Goulding SleepTalk™ process is less effective if only one parent is involved but only marginally. It would be more efficient if both parents were involved as that balances the energy of the male/female, Mum and Dad component within the child’s perception. The child receives their basic self-image, self-worth and sense of balance from both parents and it is most important for the well being of that child to have a sense of acceptance and love from both.
Because it’s important for both parents to be involved with the consistent presentation of the SleepTalk™ suggestions, the child may have some concerns when one parent is absent for a short while. The absent parent may consider recording the process to be played once the transference has occurred. The child will then have the benefit of the parent’s voice on the CD until they return.
When there is a stepmother or stepfather, what happens then to the basic script regarding the other absent partner?
This can be a very emotive issue. In some cases it’s appropriate to just say “Mummy loves you, Daddy loves you, and we all love you”. Remember that the child’s basic self-image comes from both parents and it is important that the child is comfortable loving both parents without guilt. Where there is a mother and a step-father for example, the child can feel anxious, guilty, disloyal or even believe he/she doesn’t have the primary carer’s permission to love the father. This could lead to feelings of helplessness, of “It’s my fault Daddy’s not here”, or “It’s my fault Mummy’s not here”. If this issue is inappropriately dealt with then great confusion can occur within the child and guilt may become a component of the child’s emotions. How can they love one parent without being disloyal to the other? If they are given an image of fear or hate from one parent, or they are subjected to negative comments about the other parent, the only result will be confusion and disharmony and sometimes an enormous degree of guilt and helplessness, which may, in turn, develop into aggression and anger.
What happens if a non-custodial parent is restricted in terms of access? Doesn’t that cause conflict with SleepTalk™?
No, the Goulding SleepTalk™ process will in fact assist the child to manage the situation. The cause of the disharmony is the family structure and the influences within the family home. SleepTalk™ for Children provides examples of how to effectively deal with the issues, which may depend on the individual counselling technique the family may be receiving and the distress that may be occurring. The result of using the Goulding SleepTalk™ process would be to allow or establish a sense of security and confidence. If it is introduced correctly, there will be no problems. The Goulding SleepTalk™ process provides a sense of self-worth and self-confidence as a consequence of the knowledge that the child is unconditionally loved.
In SleepTalk™ for Children it is said that it is not appropriate to use persuasion with SleepTalk™. Why?
Using persuasion such as “I love you because you were good today” may activate the “conscious critical analysis”. In other words it could awaken the awareness of the child. Also using persuasion causes problems, if, for example, you said, “you will be happy today because it is school holidays”. What happens when the child needs to go to school? You have created a situation and a belief that they will only be happy if it is school holidays.
How would you describe the child who awakens very easily, has difficulty going to sleep, or is often awake throughout the night?
Very anxious. The Goulding SleepTalk™ process should be able to help but it may be difficult the first week or so, to actually access the deep subconscious mind. The child may be fitful or have difficulty going to sleep, possibly wakes up easily. If you persist in your SleepTalk™ process the child will gain a sense of confidence, the anxiety will be reduced each time you use the Goulding SleepTalk™ process because you will be reinforcing their basic self-image and a belief that “it’s OK” and hopefully get a good night’s sleep eventually! By reducing the state of anxiety you compound the amount of suggestion given and accepted by that child. Very gradually, creating a new positive belief system and self-image. A distressed or anxious child will gradually accept the positive suggestions. A quietness and anxiety-free state of mind will develop and gradually they will become more and more able to accept the suggestions. Remember, you can never eliminate a memory, but you can add to it, alter or change the energy of that memory. As you create a compounding effect with a positive suggestion it will eventually become more powerful than the “negative” effect of the “I’m not OK” belief structure.
If a child has a basic negative structure and a feeling of “I’m not OK, I can’t do something, or I’m not as good as someone else”, won’t the Goulding SleepTalk™ process create confusion?
Possibly yes. Initially, it’s possible that confusion would be a result of the Goulding SleepTalk™ process. You may be aware of the process called psycho-cybernetics, which discusses the fact that it takes up to 21 days for the acceptance of a change of thought. This is very similar. Over a period of time, the new process of thinking starts to build against the “I’m not OK”.
The information accepted into the computer (the subconscious section of the mind) would be stored as fact alongside the negative belief. So if we say to the mind memory bank of belief “I’m OK. Mummy loves me. Daddy loves me, it will be a happy day today” and we place that positive suggestion alongside the negative “I’m not OK” directly into the child’s belief structure without conscious critical analysis, without negative analysis, without any alterations, then the belief structure within that child will start to change. Yes, it may cause initial confusion, but very gradually becomes the primary accepted suggestions.
In other words, we are able to bombard the subconscious belief structure with the positive fact “I am loved, I’m OK, It’s OK”. Suddenly, the suggestions of “I’m OK” will become stronger than the “I’m not OK” previously accepted belief. The top hat (consciousness) is now replaced and the positive suggestions lodged within the subconscious mind can only express themselves as positive thoughts into consciousness. Remember, when you press a button on a computer and it sends a message to the screen, it doesn’t matter whether it is truth or not, the computer will still relay that message word for word. The process of acceptance into the subconscious mind is no different. With the Goulding SleepTalk™ process, we don’t deny a belief or try and get the subconscious mind to forget a belief.
If you compound a suggestion of “I’m OK, I’m loved”, clearly and without distortion, through and into the belief structure of that child’s mind (the subconscious) in the process of SleepTalk™, then eventually that child will start to believe “I’m OK” and will have an acceptance of a positive self image and a positive self esteem. Gradually creating a new belief structure and with that new belief structure, the child will develop the ability to become more discerning about issues. Keep the positive suggestions going each night and you get a compounding effect. It’s like putting money into a bank. One dollar adds onto the next dollar and before long accumulates into something worthwhile - much like compound interest. The positive suggestions will eventually take over and have more power than the (negative accepted) belief.
We invite you to visit our Online Shop to purchase Joane's book,
SleepTalk™, A Gift of Love Through Positive Parenting.
